Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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