Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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