walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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