i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Randomize
