Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The feeling are messing with the penis
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
