Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
