we have officially lost it.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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