My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
