I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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