I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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