Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
