dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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