oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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