she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
