I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
