Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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