I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
