Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
