I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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