i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Randomize
