tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You're like the curious george of whores
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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