didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
