It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
