I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
