We won't sleep together?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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