My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
