you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
