K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
