forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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