Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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