He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
