apparently the secret to your success is patron
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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