My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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