I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
