in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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