dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Vodka?
Forever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
