yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
