So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
