let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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