I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
