This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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