I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
