End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
