my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
