I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
