He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
