I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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