and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
