and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
