um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I licked your asshole in confidence.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
