What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
